I was born in Dallas, Texas. I came into the world a bright shining star, yellow from jaundice. As a baby, I pooped, peed, and progressed somewhat normally. I stayed in Texas through my college years. My mom and I bonded over fart jokes, which my dad pretended to hate. I moved to New York, was swallowed up and spit out, then limped back to Texas and moved in with my sister and brother-in-law. I eventually found a place on my own and a job in Austin. It was there where I met my love. At 30 years old, I came out to be with my wife. We got married, and we got out of Texas. We migrated to the only place it rarely snows in Canada; Victoria, British Columbia, to work. We currently live with her parents.